URGENT DISPATCH: SCREAMING DESTRUCTION SOON TO ARRIVE ON EARTH

Expect spectacular skies tonight as the portal to Alpha Draconis bleeds torment into the fabric of our universe.

One week ago, we delivered an ultimatum. Those working to undermine the Grand Reptilian Council were given seven days to recant their claims and recognise our primacy, or perish.

Our warnings have been ignored.

Tonight, under the instruction of the Unholy Tarot, the Council will convene to summon an evil hitherto unknown on Earth. First, the forging of four cursed sigils, those most rare and unbreakable marks of protection against the galaxy’s most savage beast. Then, the opening of an infernal portal to the wastelands of Draconis, through which Dildore’s noble steed, the Probinator, will slither.

Deep in the wastelands of Alpha Draconis, this ancient and unimaginable terror has slept for eons, the sound of its nightmares shrieking across the sulphurous fire-pits of Halen. Its arrival on Earth will ripple throughout the mortal plane, painting the Moon a deep blood red and causing minor discrepancies in the linearity of space-time. Prepare yourselves: throbbing destruction is at hand!

Gird your loins, humans!

The Grand Reptilian Council are deep in preparation for this most unholy ritual. If you see the red glow of the Moon in your skies tonight, think of those unwise souls who chose to cross the Council, and weep.

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ABOUT ME

I’m Scriblore, your Komodo in the know and official scribe for the Grand Reptilian Council. Previously worked for Buckingham Palace, now honoured to be spreading the word of the One True Coin and bringing you the inside scoop on all things Draconis. In my spare time I like to listen to the tortured screams of the unworthy. Tweets @nasa